My Intentional Decisions
I read this book Buddahism Plain and Simple by Steve Hagen. He wrote to have true enlightenment you must understand and have the right view, right intention, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right meditation. Now, when we consider the word “right” it’s not the same meaning as you and I know “right and wrong” but instead it means “this is appropriate,” “this works,” “this is in sync with Reality.”
He was talking about having intention in every day life - think of yourself and others.
That was one of the most profound books I have read and it changed the way I think about my day, every day. I choose to be intentional.
These are the 10 areas of intention that I set for myself as a mom.
Always consider my child’s point of view as if he were an adult.
After all, I am raising an adult. That’s what Maria Montessori believes. When you raise a child, they still are processing emotions and growing critical thinking skills, but they should be respected the same as you would any adult. That’s why I make it a point to always ask my son permission before doing things such as picking him up, or offering him a hug instead of demanding one from him. I even have learned that you don’t have to ask a child to say please and thank you. If you explain it to them, model the behavior for them again and again, and point out an opportunity where it would be apprioapiate, they will say please and thank you all on their own. Oh, what a wonderful connection it is! :)
Provide my children with an independent environment and access to the tools they need to be successful.
I want my children to feel empowered to do things themselves and work hard for what they have. Most of all, be proud of what you have accomplished. The faster I can help them achieve that on their own, the faster they will automatically grow up living that instead of having to re-teach them later.
Always take an interest in what my children are passionate about.
I never want my child to think that they have to be something else that I want them to be. I always take an interest in what they show me because it’s important to show them I love them just as they are. I share my interests with them - art, music, food - but if they aren’t interested, I understand. I don’t pressure them to do something because I want it.
Help my children see the wholistic picture of how the world is all so interconnected.
A book by John Gatto called Dumbing Us Down showed me how school and society has taught us that everything is taught in disjointed topics and I desire to show my children not just the different types of food but how food is grown, where the nutrients come from, how it impacts our bodies, how to portion control proper food groups on our plate, and then be mindful of the waste we produce because of how it impacts our community, and so on.
Raise independent, critical-thinkers, but encourage them to not cling too tight to beliefs and see other point of views.
I was always raised to believe in something and hold tight to your beliefs, but as I have reached my late 20’s and now in my 30’s I am realizing that it’s important to have beliefs, but it’s just as important to listen to others and their beliefs and even consider them. We want our children to be well-rounded and see different point-of-views to understand how all the different communities, cultures, and more play a role in our world. When you cling to your life or your preference, whatever it may be, you can easily make yourself upset that others aren’t listening, but if you hear others and acknowledge their way of living, you can open yourself up to wisdom and different ideas.
Proactively reset each day, myself included.
This is a big one for me. I reset everything I possibly can - pack the bags, prep the food, clean as I go, put things back, etc. - and I have a quick checklist for it. Everything has a place in our home and most of the time we have it back in it’s place. Of course, we live in the home and there’s going to be things out and about, but as a general rule, I like to set ourselves up for success and also spend at least thirty minutes on myself, my marriage, or my passions almost every night.
Always respect the space we live in, the things we own, and people around us. Love people and use things.
This one comes from The Minimalists. I appreciate the way they are always considering others and have respect for the people and things around them. They don’t judge but listen, observe, and consider. They love people when they struggle and they celebrate with people when they achieve their goals. They own less so they know what they own and respect it. They are wise enough to know when a relationship has expectations and becomes an obligation and they are wise enough to know when an object has served it’s purpose. They respect it but are able to also let it go. I aspire in my life to do the same.
Be passionate about something, but be disciplined enough to pursue less.
My husband and I made an intentional decision to have passionate hobbies that grow us and our skills - I have done pottery, art, minimizing our home, etc. and we both have done wood-working, cooking, raising children, etc. We enjoy those hobbies, but we also have chosen to be calm, slow down, and enjoy a slower paced life where we can. We pursue less social events, less online screen-time, less tv-shows, less work, just…. less.
Be thankful for my husband and appreciate our similar mindset.
Being a mom today is incredibly challenging - going from morning routine, dropping off children, working, presentations, meetings, picking up the children, making dinner, bath, bed, work, and then oh, yeah… bed myself. You can feel like you’re juggling the world. I am thankful for my husband and all his help and I remind myself to thank him throughout the day.
Prioritize my life for me.
T.K. Coleman once said “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.” and wow what a powerful statement. That one has stuck with me ever since. I was always one to allow others to tell me how to feel, where to go, how to spend my time, etc. and I learned that by other people prioritizing my life, that puts an obligation on me to do what they think is best. Sure, they are trying to do what they believe is best for me, but that’s just it, it’s what they believe is best. Only I can know what is a priority for me in that moment and only I can know what decision is right for me. I learned that in order to say yes! to the things that matter most, I have to say ‘no’ to the things which feel like an obligation.
These are the things that have resonated with me the most through my life and have encouraged me to be better and make more intentional decisions. There’s probably a dozen more I haven’t listed here, and maybe someday I will make another list.
